I got a tearful phone call from my brother, it was unknown to me he had no where to go and no food to eat, he sounded a mess crying and not making much sense.

Can you come get me Lis he said.

I hung up the phone and called my Mum she was aware of the situation, will you pick him up she asked?  how could I say no.  He is not allowed in my house – the last time he was here he went in my car and stole valuables – so I replied yes but he’s not staying here.

I packed up a large tupperware container of food, apparently he hadn’t eaten for two days.

I drove the 35mins South to pick him up, he was in a unlit industrial area – dodgy central.  He put his black rubbish bag full of clothes in my car and got in. Then the stories started, the lies and he was always the one wronged. I listened for about 15mins and then I just couldn’t take it, take the stories of him living with people who kick him out cos he may not have locked a gate, the stories of his friends having there home invaded by black power over P Dealing, how people owed him all this money $600 here, $150 here – my unemployed fresh out of jail (not even 4 weeks), who is not even on  a benefit – it’s all lies or drug related – probably a mixture of both.

The probable truth is he’s been on a Meth binge, he has probably been sleeping all day because he hasn’t slept in a week – he has no food because he has no home – no income.

I lost it, calmly I said to him.

You don’t fool me, whats wrong with you, this isn’t a life you are living you are just existing. Whats so wrong with a normal life, a job? You don’t want it, you bring yourself down and you bring your family down with you.  Its a cycle, jail is no life it’s just easy for you. But it’s never your fault.
You could be a good man but you aren’t.  We have to put up with being dragged around this cycle over and over again. I wish I could help you but it has to be you and you have to want it and you don’t!
Why won’t you just make a clean break and go to rehab??

His response – I don’t need rehab.

And thus the cycle continues. And I will continue feeling pretty crap until I manage to shake it off and continue to love him from a distance.

My heart breaks because I know my brother could be so much more then this.

I wish my story was different but so many families are hurting, they stay quiet because they are ashamed and/or embarrassed.  I’m not ashamed anymore.  I am not responsible for there mistakes.

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