The one about Bad Dreams. Overshare 01
This is 01 of a new thing I’m going to start doing on my blog, I’ve always been one to overshare – I have always believed that sometimes things just need to be said and once I get it out I feel better and can move on. I can’t afford therapy guys, you are all my therapists.
If you are new to my blog there’s a back story in these posts – my overshares won’t all be Dad related.
Last night I managed to fall asleep at around 10pm which is early for me, and all night I dreamed repeatedly about Dad dying.
It’s not the first time either. These dreams make me feel mentally damaged – when I dream the emotions are so real and sometimes I wake up upset, today I woke up ok then dropped the kids at school/daycare and now I wanna crumble I just feel tired and drained.
Dads doing ok but he never knows who I am anymore, he is stuck in a time before I was born. I’ve gone from visiting 3-4times a week to once a week cos I just feel like there’s no point rocking the boat cos he is reasonably settled for now. I know the settled periods don’t last for long so its like respite and waiting for his next episode when I will go back to visiting most days.
I can’t talk to anyone about it cos they don’t get it..everyone’s supportive but I just end up wanting to punch them in the face – which is a reflection on me not on them cos I just want someone to blame.
Before any of you suggest that I join a support group, I have inquired at many and most cater for little old dedicated ladies caring for their husbands, not just turned 30-year-old, with a young family who is responsible for a Dad she loves but who was very much an absentee parent. Can anyone spell issues.
Anyway, thanks for reading my ramblings I do feel better after writing out all the feelings…